Hip Hop Death Match 2.0

Its Friday and instead of hitting you beautiful people with something deep and thought provoking like why you really need to be paying attention to Rupert Murdoch’s takeover of the Wallstreet Journal (more of a Monday convo anyway), I’m doing like the music industry and re-releasing the Hip Hop Deathmatch post with a few updated mash ups.

Kick back, relax, the fridge is full and the bar is fully stocked (top shelf only in my house). TGIF fuckers.

Girlfight:Jacki-O-vs-Foxy Brown

Granted, this already happened in a recording studio down here in Miami and apparently Jacki-O laid a serious whooping down (or so she claims). Jackie might have taken the name f a genteel First Lady, but one glance at her and genteel is the last adjective you think of. Fox Boogie has a history of both troublemaking, and well…getting beat, but on the plus side, she’s now rolling with Blackhand, whereas Jacki left Poe Boy and is running solo. This one will get ugly: a lot of weave will fly, and someone in the audience may get hit by a stray acrylic nail.

Winner: Foxy (Come on, she can’t hear and when you lose one of senses everything else gets stronger)

Dance Off: Chicken Noodle Soup-vs-Peanut Butter JellyHmm, Chicken Noodle Soup came with a side on the side, but soda has very little nutritional value. Peanut Butter and Jelly offers you not only fruit and protein, but its comes with a baseball bat.

Winner: Peanut Butter Jelly

The Glitter Brawl: Cam-vs-Jim

Make sure you get the pool in the back, the rhinestones on the robes, and Cam running like a bitch while Jim stands there (standing!) making threatening adlibs (wedgies!).

Winner: No one. If Jim Jones is still making music, we all lost.

There Aren’t Enough Disclaimers Match Up: Beanie Seigel-vs-Peedi (nh)

Warning: please put on your Teflon coated disclaimer gear before proceeding.

We all saw the video: ain’t no way Beans laying a finger to harm his precious Peedi. Peedi however really isn’t trying to be anyone’s bitch dammit and is tired if getting felt up while he’s trying to have a serious career as a respectable rapper. Unfortunately, he’s not that big of a dude and Beans probably would look at it as foreplay.

Winner: Beans

Hometown Hero: Hurricane Chris-vs-Our very own Icon

Fuck a Hurricane- we all know who the Bay Bay King is.

Winner: Icon. Easy.

Main Event: G-Unit-vs-Wu Tang Clan

Curtis is afraid of heights, Yayo got sonned by Clifford, and weren’t Banks and Buck put on punishment for not selling any records? The Wu Tang Clan is the motherfucking Wu Tang Clan: not only do they role 45365 gazillion deep, but they’ve been thinking up some vile ass punishments from day one. Yeah they fight a lot, but they defined Hip Hop family while the rest of these fools wee still picking which crew to be down with. If that isn’t enough-they also have the spirit of ODB waiting in the wings on some poltergeist tip-‘cause you know Rusty wouldn’t miss this for the world.

Winner: the Wu

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