News You May Have Missed

 

 It was a slow news week, but there were a few standouts:

Courting is Dead

 

That makes me sad.

Get Low

 

Critics are crying a foul threatening to get the ACLU in involved due to the multitude of “anti-saggy pant” laws that are making their way onto the books across these United States. Already outlawed in parts of Louisiana, Dallas and Atlanta are now trying to equate saggy pants and visible drawers to public sex acts (heartless lawmakers… taking all the fun out of public sex), effectively squelching an individual’s freedom of bad fashion.

News You May Have Missed

 

You know what time it: weirdness that may not be making the local news in your household.

Shut Up With All That South Hate

 

The South is still running this Rap shit. Yeah dammit. I said it.

My Pal Al

Dear Al:

On behalf of me, I’d like to thank you Al, for all you have done. Truly.

News You May Have Missed

You know the drill. While you lovely people have been enjoying life, I’ve been painstakingly combing through the news in search of stories that may not have gotten as much attention as miners, space shuttles or Curtsy Boo Boo’s temper tantrum

G.W. Done Fucked Up Now

 

In absolutely terrifying US foreign policy/War on Terror/Axis of Evil news- there are rumors flying that the Bush administration is looking to officially designate Iran’s Revolutionary Guard Corp (you know, their military) as a terrorist organization. While, technically speaking, an argument can be made that all militaries, when invading and fighting and doing their usual day-to-day work engage in what those who are fighting on the other side might justifiably call terrorist activities, this designation is apparently specifically because the Revolutionary Guard trained/planned/supported al Qeada and other such known terrorist organizations.

Use Me Up

 

Romance has died. To court refers to showing up while your boo cops a plea. Nice guys are finishing last and women are trying to “masculinize” our habits and erase emotions. We’re not making love: we’re fucking for free.

Thirsty Sense

I confess: I’ve been a hater. I have been making disparaging remarks about an innocent beverage, when in fact, I had nothing but assumptions to back up my claims. And seeing as assumptions make an ass out of u and umption and I don’t like to be called a hater, I figured it was time I stop my nonchalant scoffing and educate myself on this miracle potion commonly referred to as Vitamin Water.