Thirsty Sense

vitamin-water.jpg

I confess: I’ve been a hater. I have been making disparaging remarks about an innocent beverage, when in fact, I had nothing but assumptions to back up my claims. And seeing as assumptions make an ass out of u and umption and I don’t like to be called a hater, I figured it was time I stop my nonchalant scoffing and educate myself on this miracle potion commonly referred to as Vitamin Water.


Maybe, just maybe, I am not given this beverage a fair enough chance. Thus, I decided, a taste test was required, one that would allow for the thorough and fair evaluation of the nectar of Rap. Enter now my exploration of Glaceau Vitamin Water Formula 50:

Appearance:
While the flavor says “grape,” the pink hue of the liquid doesn’t bring to mind any food I generally find in nature. Think the first batch of Pink cotton candy when there was still a tiny bit of Blue sugar left in the machine. Additionally, one can only imagine that the Glaceau reps threw a couple grand in cash at Curtsy and told him the bottle was “bullet shaped” and not a “pink beverage you swallow from a rather phallus shaped object.”

Pause.

Health Benefits & Nutritional Facts:
Vitamin Water is made from “vapor distilled, deionized, and/or reverse osmosis water.” I know not what this means. It also contains 50% of your daily dose of either grapes or, even 50 himself. If indeed it is 50…I… I’m sorry I can’t allow myself to think about what part of him exactly he contributed to the ingredient list. Moving on.

Compared to a normal bottle of regular water which only contains 2 servings and no grapes (boo regular water- you aren’t pink either!) an average size bottle of Vitamin Water contains 2.5 servings. By my calculations (and you really shouldn’t trust my math) by drinking an entire 20 oz bottle of Vitamin Water, you will take in 125% of your daily dose of either grapes or Curtis. If you eat grapes and listen to 50 while drinking Vitamin Water, you’re head might explode like pop rocks in coke. Might.

By drinking the entire bottle, you will get 50% of the recommended daily dosage of Vitamins C, E, B3, B6, Folic Acid, AK47, B12 and B5. In order to get the full recommendation of vitamins, you would need to drink two entire bottles, which would then have you swallowing 250% of your daily dose of grapes and/or 50! At this rate, a healthy person will have already absorbed so much 50, its no wonder that Kanye will outsell him.

Taste:
I must admit, generally speaking, I like the taste, or lack thereof, of regular water. But once gain- this is the name of science, or math or Hip Hop, or I don’t know… hating, so I drank on.

On first whiff, Formula 50 shares the same aroma as flat grape soda. Not terribly healthy or vitaminy smelling which is a definite plus because real vitamins can be somewhat smelly.

It tastes a bit like flat, watered down grape soda as well, offering the same artificial sweetness that leaves the enamel of your teeth feeling slightly softened and vulnerable. I tend to drink only non-Vitamin enhanced water or mango fresco o jugo anaranjado, so I found Formula 50 a bit too sweet. And lest I be accused of being unfair, I also tried another Vitamin Water flavor: XXX (chosen strictly on the basis of it sounding naughty and my mind often taking residence in the gutter) and found that too sweet as well.

All in all:

Water > Vitamin Water

Gatorade > Vitamin Water

Vitamin Water > Flat Grape Soda

Considering what a god awful time Curtsy Boo Bo is going through at this point in his life (9.11.07), and seeing as how he is still standing and trashing offices, I figure if Vitamin Water can get him through the biggest train wreck of his career, a rancid flop of an album, it can’t be all that bad.

Cheers!

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72 Responses to “Thirsty Sense”

  1. Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:

    Vitamin water?!

  2. green eyes Says:

    hey mac

  3. Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:

    I guess we the only one here tonight

    🙂

    boom chicka wah wah!!

  4. candyraindrops Says:

    lol @ nectar of rap

  5. candyraindrops Says:

    *sorry, should i leave, so u 2can be alone*?

  6. green eyes Says:

    mac.. any house news?

  7. Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:

    candyraindrops Says:
    August 13th, 2007 at 9:14 pm

    *sorry, should i leave, so u 2can be alone*?

    —nervously buttons shirt back up

    umm we cool……….we not doing nothing.

    unless you’re into that sorta thing?!

  8. green eyes Says:

    lol @ ll. nah, we likes an audience.

    lol

  9. candyraindrops Says:

    LMAO @ Mac….umm continue..ill be bac

  10. candyraindrops Says:

    LMAO @ green…….you gonna give Mac a heart attack

  11. Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:

    green eyes Says:
    August 13th, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    mac.. any house news?

    ^^yeah…….I’m looking over a few good faith estimates for my mortgage payment now. I got approved for 100% financing or I can go FHA with 3% down payment. All of my approvals are zero closing cost as well.

    I’m still waiting to see if they accept the offer. My realtor said that may take a week or two due to the fact that the house is a short sell (pre-foreclosure…..meaning I’m buying this bad boy with a ton of equity) Hell the house isn’t even a year old.

  12. what up folks Says:

    freaknastys! smh

  13. green eyes Says:

    get it mac!

  14. Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:

    green eyes Says:
    August 13th, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    get it mac!

    ^^oh I am…….if they accept.

    I only plan to live there for maybe 2 years then I’ll either sell or lease it out.

    ***i guess LL isn’t a voyeur.

  15. lo k Says:

    smh @ not being able to tell if crystaline fructose is better or worse than high fructose corn syrup… either way if you’re just trying to give your body the 2 liters+ of water that your body needs per day, I’m guessing that you should probably try to avoid it having unnecessary sugar in it no matter the incarnation…

    LF: smh @ my co-worker going from cool 80’s music like New Order and the like to that annoying ex-girlfriend song by No Doubt… I want to know where he got the bumpin’ system from… cubicle wars cont…

  16. Two-Times Says:

    Greenie…

    I’m send you a case of each flavor of Vitamin Water, so you can match it up with what color gear your wearing….

  17. green eyes Says:

    # Mac Brown pka Cashmere Jackson Says:
    August 13th, 2007 at 9:25 pm edit

    green eyes Says:
    August 13th, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    get it mac!

    ^^oh I am…….if they accept.

    I only plan to live there for maybe 2 years then I’ll either sell or lease it out.

    ***i guess LL isn’t a voyeur.

    ^ guess not. thats a good investment plan. i passed these renovated condos on my way home that seem like they’ve been fixed up, but the building is old as hell so Im skeptical about the pictures being mock ups and the actual units and townhouses being trash.

  18. green eyes Says:

    two times, i appreciate that., im all about coordinating.

    lo k- had the same thought, but like i said i already like regular water so i dnt need an incentive or pretty colors to drink up

  19. Two-Times Says:

    greenie……

    what’s up… Vitamin Water is coming out with an energy drink…it’s supposed be like something like Red Bull but better..

  20. candyraindrops Says:

    lol..umm ill pass this time mac

  21. lo k Says:

    as much as I hate to co-sign it, I do prefer the Vitamin Energy to Red Bull… there’s much less of a crash and it does give a bit of pep… and the can’s look like giant pills from that Dr. Mario game from back in the day…

  22. Two-Times Says:

    lo k Says:

    as much as I hate to co-sign it,

    ^^^ Why you even got to fight hate?…. just because 50 is affliated with Vitamin water…wow…

  23. lo k Says:

    ^^no, it has more to do with my lack of desire to co-sign energy drinks… that shit is bad for you, period…

  24. green eyes Says:

    ^ exactly

  25. Two-Times Says:

    that shit is bad for you, period…

    ^^^
    yeah your right about that… That’s why Vitamin water is coming out with one that’s not that bad for you….

    see 50 cares…

  26. green eyes Says:

    ^*FLOOR*

  27. lo k Says:

    @2x – while there are greater causes that I would prefer to put my money towards, I do buy vitamin water from time to time and sometimes I even buy 50’s flavor… is it as bad as buying reebok’s back when they were key supporters of the apartheid, probably not, is it as good as getting some fresh non-pasteurized organic ish? definitely not, but sometimes you don’t have the loot or the option of getting what you want so you make due… I was a vitamin water supporter long before 50 became affiliated, and while it’s by no means my beverage of choice, it certainly better than a majority of alternatives…

  28. lo k Says:

    >>see 50 cares…

    ^^hilarity…

  29. candyraindrops Says:

    lmao@2x…..i neeed 2 hire u

  30. lo k Says:

    yo dos… if you haven’t seen Thank You For Smoking I highly recommend it, you especially would get a kick out of it…

  31. Two-Times Says:

    I drink Vitamin water alot when I’m out in public alot…running errands and shit, it’s better for promotion….

  32. Two-Times Says:

    lo k Says:

    yo dos… if you haven’t seen Thank You For Smoking I highly recommend it, you especially would get a kick out of it

    ^^ Nah… but I heard you talk about that movie, I’ll try and check it out..

  33. Two-Times Says:

    remember when Yayo got bailed out of jail, this last time, he was wearing a “Vitamin Water” hat…

  34. Big Homie Says:

    Classic post Greenie. This piece had me dying. I was thinking a few weeks ago drinking the Vitamin Water and said to myself, that this is not as healthy has it says to be. When it comes to water, I stay with the Aquafinas..the Fijis (when buget permits it)

    Deer Park > Vitamin Water

  35. green eyes Says:

    thank you big homie!

  36. Big Homie Says:

    I admit though I do buy it from time to time though..like when I am really hungover, dhydrated..etc, but pure water is always the best. Cant go wrong with that.

  37. EnglandRepresent Says:

    Hilarious post Greenie! All of those water-esque type drinks are average, you can’t beat the real thing. Plus Gatorade is the shit if you’re hungover. Vitamin Water isn’t available outside of the States right? In which case Vitamin Water lost and H20 won cos you can get that anywhere in the world. Even in Texas. (I see ya Two!)

  38. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    ….COCKSUCKIN BULLSHIT! ….KEJHBQFv OIYGHTY8JHGV 24U7GB9TBG8P8U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  39. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    MUTHAFUCKIN BULLLSHIT! ….AND FUCK THE WHOLE LOTTA’UZ!

  40. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    WEFOHIB` 3QOYUIGFOV`IGY4VGP `Q`8VIOQ4U7HVP9UIgqiv!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. green eyes Says:

    lmao… i’ll make you breakfast tomorrow.. will that help?

  42. pockets Says:

    i buy vitamin water all the time, but not fif’s flavor. i always get cranberry xxx, that shit is good.

  43. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    green eyes Says:

    August 13th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
    lmao… i’ll make you breakfast tomorrow.. will that help?

    ^^^
    ……..IM GON CUT A NIGGAS ASS!!!!!!…………..
    (FLICKS ASH)….. WHERE MY MU;’FICKIN RAZER!!!

  44. pockets Says:

    *radios security*

    *beat up white geezer tries to restrain crazy*

  45. cMac Says:

    loved it

  46. green eyes Says:

    pockets– the xxx was aight, but too sweet for my taste

  47. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    ….9-342781T`GT3`HU I9 HHFOEBV OEYV789R=HG98 `H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  48. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    ….COCKSUCKIN BLACK NIGGER BASTID SUMAOFAMOTHELESS GOAT!

  49. CRAZY88SINCE88 Says:

    FUCKIN FAGGIT BLACK BASTID COCKSUCKA!!!!!!!!!

  50. pockets Says:

    pockets– the xxx was aight, but too sweet for my taste

    ^for some reason that just got me excited for a second. but im too nervous to say anything, i think crazy is still raging in here

  51. green eyes Says:

    ^lol

  52. landLORD aka Rasheed Wallets Says:

    … salaam …

  53. candyraindrops Says:

    lol @ pockets

  54. Fidel Cashflow Says:

    protein shakes(no homo) > fruit or vegtable drinks(no hippies) > vitamin water > everything else

  55. Fidel Cashflow Says:

    Vitamin Water is made from “vapor distilled, deionized, and/or reverse osmosis water.”
    ^^^^
    I’d elaborate on what that means, because I have some knowledge of biology and chemistry and these terms are common but education isn’t gangsta. ya smell me?

    *throws up 7 deadly squirrels sign*

  56. Belize Says:

    Good post mamas

  57. lo k Says:

    @fidel – dammit kneegro, I’m tryna git my learn on and you fuckin’ it up… this is why n!ggaz don’t know nuthin… the one n!gga that actually knows don’t wanna tell nobody because they fear being chastized for not being as dumb and/or ignant as the next man…

    don’t be like hootie, don’t spread the germ instead of spreading the knowledge….

  58. Jamz Sayz Says:

    Personally, I think that Vitamin Water (all flavors) taste like luke-warm bath water with a teaspoon full of crystal lite and confection sugar mixed in it. In other words…I don’t like the taste of it!

  59. The-XFacta Says:

    HATER

  60. candyraindrops Says:

    true story, I was in Brooklyn and took a pic of a 50 cent vitamin water ad on a billboard, due to the straight comedy of it..lol..think it was this one.

  61. Rey aka Somebody Owes Me A Steak Says:

    Daaaanngg, Greenie.. Curtis is gonna have a limp after this one.

    Good post, tho’!

  62. green eyes Says:

    vitamin water gives me a headache.

    for serious… ever since i drank it, ive head a headache. I think its because I’ve exceeded my daily dose of 50 and/or grapes.

    *shakes fists*
    damn you vitamin water!

  63. G7 Says:

    ^lol

  64. crazy88since88 Says:

    http://www.tinyurl.com/38a5wc*

    ^^^
    Phuque… damn You! (LMAO)

    ^^^
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  65. Michele Says:

    I don’t drink the 50 one but I do like the other varieties of Vitamin Water. In fact, in place of juice I give it to my daughter (in addition to regular water or milk). It’s a little sweet but not as sweet as juice.

  66. Phuque Says:

    LMAO….good post greenie…love the Graduation plug. On the real though, a DJ friend of mine gets promo cases of that stuff on the regular…it’s actually not that bad….but it’s not that good either. I wouldn’t drink it on the regular, but if I was dying of thirst and I had no choice, I’d drink it.

  67. green eyes Says:

    cosig Michele & Phuque– its not awful. I expected worse. Def not as sweet as regular juice, but i still say: regular water > vitamin water

  68. pockets Says:

    my pops is always sayin i gotta drink more water so hes always buyin me this vitamin water stuff, but now becuase of two times propoganda i have this wierd feeling my dad is working for interscope or g-unit or something

  69. OnPoint Says:

    I got some protein water for you when you need it…very nutritious

  70. rage345 Says:

    Thanks….I see your blog is doing well….

  71. Furiou$tylez Says:

    if u get thirsty…and need a “phallus shaped object” in your mouth…

    just holla at your boy…

  72. UV Water Purification Says:

    UV Water Purification…

    that company making bottled drinking water is making a lot of money off of something very natural such as water. But the question that is on the minds of everyone is whether or not it is really a safe drinking water bottle because of the chemicals with…

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