News You May Have Missed

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You know the drill. While you lovely people have been enjoying life, I’ve been painstakingly combing through the news in search of stories that may not have gotten as much attention as miners, space shuttles or Curtsy Boo Boo’s temper tantrum

World News:
England is Gully as hell. Apparently English kids need extra protection because there are companies selling Kevlar uniforms that are slash proof.

Greenalysis: Good golly! Knives? In the states, US kids stay shooting at each other. When I was in high school it was usually in a back hallway over $5 at a dice game, once some asshole dropped his book bag and shot him in the foot. Too bad they didn’t have one if these super cool Ballistic Book bags (for serious…I might cop one, just in case). But seriously folks, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, a knife is much gullier than a gun. To use a knife you literally have to get your hands dirty, get into that critical space. Not condoning violence or anything.

Structural News:
It’s been a bad month for bridges. Not just Minneapolis. Everywhere. A suicide truck bomber blew up a bridge in Iraq. In Fenghuang, China, yet another bridge collapsed killing 29 people.

Greenalysis: I drive over a small bridge everyday. As do most of us. Fortunately, only big bridges make me a bit nervous, and I don’t drive over those too often. Sucks for those of you driving over big bridges and deep water everyday. Might want to look into some alternate routes.

Animal News:
In Egypt, a Saudi man tried to smuggle cobra snakes, chameleons and baby Nile crocodiles in a suitcase. Another man tried to smuggle a monkey under his hat on a flight into the US from Peru.

Greenalysis: Is that monkey in your hat or are you just happy to see me? What idiots. Guess they didn’t learn anything from the woman who tried to smuggle fish into Australia by wearing a specially converted skirt with fish filled pockets. These people are freaks, I’m done.

Sports News:
One of the nappy-headed hoes is fighting back and suing Don Imus for defamation of character.

Greenalysis: If I was on the jury, Id awards her double whatever she is asking for. Think about, Imus is going back to CBS and will continue to make millions making snide remarks about anyone he so chooses. Kia Vaughn will forever be labeled a “nappy headed ho” whether in jest or not. Besides, taking money from the man is always a good look.

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15 Responses to “News You May Have Missed”

  1. MadeInMilwaukee....Since1979 Says:

    LOL!!!! On point as usual Green.

  2. Fidel Cashflow Says:

    England is Gully as hell.
    ^^^^^
    and here I thought; in the U.K all they had was driveby concersations

    Another man tried to smuggle a monkey under his hat on a flight into the US from Peru.
    ^^^^
    If he had a 11 3/4 sized cap like Rey he would have been able to smuggle the monkey(pause)

  3. candyraindrops Says:

    LMAO..good stuff……I seen that kia girl in person….forget nappy head ho….she just looks manly period.

  4. nation Says:

    don’t you baby, don’t you baby, don’t you baby

    c’mon baby, c’mon baby, c’mon baby

  5. Big Homie Says:

    I read about the bridge in China earlier this week.

    The Bridge is Over The Bridge is Over…biddy bye bye

    Ok that wasnt funny, my bad.

  6. green eyes Says:

    ^^ LMAO.. .. hilarious

  7. Greeneyes aspiring weedcarrier Says:

    news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/1404826.stm
    ^^^^
    Earthquake in Peru

  8. Fidel Cashflow Says:

    ferret click bitch

  9. The-XFacta Says:

    @

    Big Homie Says:

    August 17th, 2007 at 11:22 am
    I read about the bridge in China earlier this week.

    The Bridge is Over The Bridge is Over…biddy bye bye

    Ok that wasnt funny, my bad.

    ————

    You’ll going to hell, right by the furnace for this comment.. lol

  10. the audience Says:

    1st topic- we say:

    fuck a remedy, find a cure….they’re (shool) pretty much saying “you can kill ’em, just not on our watch

    2nd topic- we say:

    learn to swim or take the loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggg
    way home…..everytime I cross a bridge or go through a tunnel I get paranoid

    3rd topic- we say:

    let them mofos smuggle whatever the hell animal they want to…..as long as they go into their natural habitat and capture it Geico-style…..

    4th topic- we say:

    let him work….can’t deny a man an opportunity to earn a living…..besides he’ll need it…..can you say “Class-Action Lawsuit”?…….I’m quite sure there’s a multitude of “nhh” that have been traumatized by this whole situation and blame Imus for making them re-live when they had to damn-near staple those pink little barretts to their scalp for lack of sufficient tressage

  11. green eyes Says:

    2nd topic- we say:

    learn to swim or take the loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggg
    way home…..everytime I cross a bridge or go through a tunnel I get paranoid

    ^^ bridges im ok with, tunnels really freak me out

  12. OnPoint Says:

    If there were no guns I would get into fights more often.

  13. Kushed out my mind Says:

    Yo I like this blog…..good topics ma

  14. Jamz Says:

    ^^ bridges im ok with, tunnels really freak me out

    ^^I’m okay with both bridges and tunnels…it’s the potential chance of dying while using one of them that really freaks me out…

    Hey, Hey, Hey…Greena!

  15. G7 Says:

    imus won…smh

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