News You May Have Missed

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Kids killing kids, newfangled technology— its been quite a week.

Procreation News: A woman in Siberia gave birth to a 17lb baby. Her 12th.

Greenalysis: GOTDAMN! My uterus weeps for her.

 

Animal Planet News: A Golden retriever is nursing a stray kitten. The kitten was found in a tire, alone and afraid, and wouldn’t drink from a bottle, so the golden retriever bitch stepped up.

Greenalysis: This just warms the cockles of my cold, bitter little piece of coal of a heat. See- we all can get along. (I’m really not a pet person though.)

 

Automotive News: Nissan has invented the car of the future- a three person pod that not only drives sideways (take that parallel parking) but also has a robot that will talk to you in case you are lost, sleepy or lonely.

Greenalysis: A car and a friend! What more could you want. It looks like it should be a toy in Candyland, but hey, creativity knows no bounds. I parallel park just fine though, so I’ll stick with this.

Crime News: In Philly a home schooled kid was found with a veritable arsenal of guns, knives, swords and grenades. He apparently felt bullied and needed them for defense. This of course, follows Wednesday’s Cleveland high school shooting where a troubled white student went buck wild in the predominantly black school.

Greenalysis: #1- if you are homeschooled-who is bullying you? #2- What the fuck is wrong with kids these days? I mean for real, this is bigger than the music they listen to, the video games they play… there is some serious disconnect going on between kids and both common sense and respect for life.

 

LF: I’m getting a little tired of  this image… if any one finds a fly news pic, send it my way. I’ll give you a cookie. 

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13 Responses to “News You May Have Missed”

  1. E aka FidelCa$hflow Says:

    if you are homeschooled-who is bullying you?
    ^^^^
    LMAO

  2. EnglandRepresent Says:

    The kitten was found in a tire, alone and afraid, and wouldn’t drink from a bottle, so the golden retriever bitch stepped up.

    ^^Thats my favourite right there. Don’t know why. A 17lb baby and your box is definitely not going back to the size it was. Once you have a baby that big you’ve gotta be careful when you sit on a stool you don’t swallow the fucker up. And the same goes for small children, animals, litter and other small objects. You’re gash would be like this massive black hole/ vacuum sucking things in to it. Whole star systems could disappear up your clunge…..that actually disturbs me and I have a problem with it…..someone get the Pentagon on the line, we’ve got a problem……

  3. Rey Says:

    Daaang, EngRep..

    Good post, Greenie. What kiiind of cookie?

    Also, I can’t parallell park worth a shyte.

  4. green eyes Says:

    Thank you guys very much.

    Rey.. I have to admit, I’m partial to oatmeal raisin cookies. But, you know. whatever kinda cookie you like best: Girl Scout, animal, etc.

  5. the audience Says:

    The lack of outside activities (go outside and play mofos) has these little bastards turning into vampires, or any other type of mutant being that doesn’t know how the fuck to act when in the presence of solar activity.

    Every one of them is their own little “Crypt Keeper” who stays locked away in their rooms, creating their own little universe. When forced to interact amongst the living, the shock of this “Outer-Earth” in which we normals dwell is too much for their small, compartmented gray matter to fathom.

    If you that fucked up- don’t come outside……stay inside and fight/stab/shoot that mofo staring back at you in the mirror…..you’ll never lose……

  6. Lester Hall aka I Stay High Says:

    I’s like it herr…..

  7. Big Homie Says:

    A car that drives side ways and parrell parks?? I need that. My skills suck. Especially when intoxicated.

  8. green eyes Says:

    lol@ big homie.
    thanks lester

  9. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    good stuff green..I read the story about the philly kid…apparently, this disturbed boy’s mom got one of the guns for him! lil boy was also into hitler etc….

  10. green eyes Says:

    LL- thank you! Yep.. i saw that update also. WTF? why would a mother buy their child numerous assault rifles??

  11. Jamz Says:

    Greena watches Animal Planet? A woman after my own heart…

    Whuddup FF Babie!!

  12. Mac Brown Vagina Scientist.....Lets Experiment! Says:

    //tinypic.com/view.php?pic=qna3op&s=2

    ^^news image suggestion

    I wouldn’t mind seeing this image every time you post on the news

  13. green eyes Says:

    if no one else makes a a suggestion, you might get your wish mac daddy

    indeed jamz, i do. incidentally, the detroit animal rescue crew is my favorite

    and i love how you guys cat parallel park. lol.

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