Southern Comfort Gift Giving Guide!

 

Its Holiday time! Are you ready to spend all your money? Are you one of the fools who waited in line to go shopping at 5:00am on Black Friday instead of using a day off for its true purpose (FYI that would be sleeping late and getting laid)? Are you eagerly waiting Oprah’s latest favorites things episodes so you can feel poor and unworthy because you can’t buy your mom the $8,990 cashmere Teflon baking mitts?

Have no fear- we here at Southern Comfort don’t believe in spending a lot of money on the people we love (our friendship is enough) so we’ve put together a handy gift guide for all the important people in your life. Not only will this make you’re shopping much easier- it’s cheaper, more fun and allow you to save time to A) sleep late, B) get laid & C) waste time on the internet.


Grandma- Does your grandma have a little hood in her? Does she also cook? If you have answered yes to these questions, than “Season Shot” is the gift for the lady who brought one of your parents into the world, ultimately allowing for you to be here. Season Shot aka “Our ammo has flavor” is flavored shotgun pellets that you can use while hunting for your next meal. Instead of being made of actual pellets, they are Cajon, Lemon Pepper, Garlic, Teriyaki or Honey Mustard pellets that will allow your bird to go from the hunting field to the kitchen in one easy step. I would also imagine that if you were too busy to marinate, you could also just shoot the thawed chicken you bought at the market to the same effect.

Now seriously- the grandma’s I know are into pictures of their grandbabies. Go cop a nice picture frame and actually put a picture of yourself in. Nothing bigger than 8 x 10, and for god sakes not poster size prints. She doesn’t love you THAT much.

Grandpa- Viagra. Astroglide. Ambien. (The last two are really for grandma) Take grandma to lunch to he can have the house to himself for the afternoon.

Mom- Here’s where you splurge. Mom made you. She raised you. Wiped your snotty ass nose and put up worth your stank ass attitude. Nice perfume (not that stink ass drug store shit), a nice purse (not from the bootleg lady) or a gift certificate to her hair & nail salon. Mom deserves it. For a good deal check on real stuff, check out bluefly.com.

Dad- For those pops who have actually stuck around, they too deserve something nice. But not too personal. Go for a monogrammed money clip. Or a monogrammed gun. Or a nice watch. Or a lap dance.

Boyfriend- A big box of condoms goes a long way. Literally. Turn it into a game- how quick can we use these up? If ya’ll been together a minute and you want to up it a bit, show SOME effort, buy him a digital camera, and let him take a picture or two of you in something similar to naked. Just make sure your face isn’t in the pic- when ya’ll break up, if you can’t get the memory card back, at least it won’t be TOTALLY obvious it’s you in all your slutatious glory.

Girlfriend- Fellas, some girls are kind of sappy and some girls are kind of gold diggers. The holidays bring out the worst in these chicks because she and her gossipy friends are sitting at the mall and becoming hypnotized by jewelry stores and leather purses. Fight the power -do not buy either of these items unless you want to receive permanent mark on your player card. If you give in now- that bitch’ll own you. Don’t do it! While your copping that picture frame for grandma, cop her one two, but this time go for the 8×10 and put in a picture of the two of you. If you really feel you need to put in extra work- grab a 4×6 frame that says something about “love” or is red in color and put another picture of you in it- this one she can put on her desk at work so the gossiping bitches at her offices can talk about you.

Sister- If she’s younger than you, she’s probably extra sassy, knows all the words to Chris Brown, can do the Souljah Boy Crank That and wants to be like Beyonce. If she’s older than you, she’s probably extra sassy, knows all the words to Chris Brown, can do the Souljah Boy Crank That and wants to be like Beyonce. Celebrate her sassiness and cop her an Ediboo Tee. They come in a variety of styles (we at SC particularly love this, this and this one) and colors and are cute and affordable. Fuck Roc-a-Wear, Baby Phat and Dereon—support an entrepreneurial Black man and cop an Ediboo Tee!

Brother- Younger or older, buy him condoms (no ayo, this is endorsing safe sex) and a bottle of liquor. If you play it right, he’ll share the bottle with you, so it’ll be an even better deal.

Share your ideas below for having an economical, yet fun Holiday season.

 

PS- Product testing is for blogs with budgets- take this advice with a shotgun pellet of salt.

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18 Responses to “Southern Comfort Gift Giving Guide!”

  1. T DOT Says:

    first.
    eh? 🙂

    Everyone gets cole.

  2. Big Homie Says:

    Thank you Greenie for the helpful advice on Xmas shopping. I know exactly what I’m getting for the fam and friends. You dont mind me giving you the same thing I got you last year do you? It’s the thought that counts.

    Your “It”

  3. el feces loco Says:

    Ahhh I love it..hoping you had a great spanksgiving babygirl..Was looking for you on the block earlier..all i saw was your empty milkcrate tho..hurry back..the block is cold without you.

  4. G7 Says:

    LMAO @ that pic. Classic!

  5. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    lmao…funny suggestions green..and what u mean “we here at sc”? u added some staff members?

  6. green eyes Says:

    what up LL! long time no type… no..i just wanted to feel specail.. it was the royal “we” smh

    thanks you guys for stopping by

  7. reythehussein Says:

    Hmm… Apparently my stalker is making his rounds.

    Anyway.. Good post, Greenita.

  8. Jamz Says:

    Greena FF…

    I give all my peeps gift cards with 10 bucks on them, so they can get just what they want. Glad you are back in the blogging mixx once again.

    How’d Turkey turn out for you?

    Whaddup LL “ole’ not coming around to say hello no mo”….LOL

  9. cOLD Says:

    green who is “we” here at southerncomfort ? and do the same rules apply to wifey as to the girlfriend? … I think I know what i’m going to give wifey, a papermate pen so she can sign the divorce papers. lol JOKES. Nah but heres the real meaning behind Christmas.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oj5LcxxFfg&feature=related

    if you could spare a few minutes, its an ill doctrine. *shouts eskay for the look*

  10. E aka FidelCa$hflow Says:

    gracing people with my glorious precense is enough of a gift

  11. green eyes Says:

    damn cold.. thats.. icey. make it a nice pen.

    like i said.. theres no why.. i was just trying to feel.. iuno.. like i had a staff. (nope)

  12. Plug Says:

    smh @ me zonin out off some sweets while watchin that video reggae aka cOLD posted. I have no idea what dude is talkin bout right now.

  13. cmac Says:

    green I love u for this one. u shoulda warned em sooner about the nude pics tho lol

  14. Belize Says:

    ^ Merry Xmas

  15. Foe Show Says:

    How about a new post? Step your game up Greenie…

    Oh, and I took notes on the Girlfriend piece, kind of a refresher course, if you will. Good lookin

  16. woodro Says:

    nice…..i wont get shit this year….but some socks, draws and maybe a lump of coal….

  17. Baby Phat Jewelry Says:

    Baby Phat Jewelry…

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….

  18. Oxygen Monitor Says:

    i frequent hair salons because i always want to keep my hair in top shape “;-

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