Friday Freaky Tales

Same freak, new spot. But I’m sayin’, its always fun to find new spots. Its been awhile so I know I should ply you with sweet talk, beg your forgiveness for leaving you so abruptly,  but lets skip the niceties and just get right down to it, like I showed up at your door buck nekkid under a trench coat with a bottle of Henny in one hand and handcuffs in the other. I know how you like it baby.

Hope sex. No darlings, not hoping for sex, but actual Obama inspired hope sex. Its being reported that people are so swept up in Obama euphoria, that sex is on the rise. From election night sex, to inauguration night sex, to waiting for the bailout sex, Barack makes people feel good, and when they feel  good, thy want to get naked and be felt up real good. Sadly, I have not engaged specifically, in Hope Sex. Have any of you?

Masturbation help. Fellas, does the texture and feel of your own hand get old? Do you hate cleaning up after yourself? The Japanese have come up with this egg-cellent new device that will solve all your self love problems. The Tenga egg. Its a stretchable, silicone egg, textured on the inside an it comes with its own lube. Just fill the egg with the lube, and stroke away. When your done, just toss — you know what, the video above explains it much better than I ever could. If you are alone this Valentine’s Day, why not make an eggscellent new friend?

Companionship is a good thing.
This latest study reveals that female companionship extends the sex lives of male mice. While none of my dear readers are mice, you may take note and appreciate the lady who puts up with your fuckery. Learn to love the one you’re with, you’ll live longer.

Who needs a bailout?
There’s a recession people! Its real. My hella fly homie and I made a pact to increase our earning by 10K this year, and perhaps we need to take a cue from this 4th grade teacher in Ohio. Apparently this lady was trying to supplement her income by dabbling in the “oldest profession.”  Where she went wrong: (aside from it being illegal and her getting caught I mean), she tried to do it on school time. While her class was napping or coloring or doing whatever 4th graders do, she was not only using her school computer to find herself a customer, but running out to meet with the customer. We’ll call this a multi task fail.

Enjoy this upcoming weekend of love, even though its a bullshit holiday. If you have someone special, be nice to them. If you don’t be nice to yourself.  A teddy bear and box of chocolates doesn’t mean someone loves you, taking and passing an STD test together does, so wrap it up before you stab it up and I’ll see you back here next week for more freaky tales.

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19 Responses to “Friday Freaky Tales”

  1. BKScribe Says:

    FIRST… FIRST!!!

    OMG im soooo happy to be first.. omg omg I wanna thank.. greeny for makin this possible.. also my gifford who believed in me and said i could do it.. This is for you!

    FREE YAYO

    *walks off stage*

  2. BKScribe Says:

    WOW @ that tenga egg.. Who is hittin that…

    *bravado comment moment*

    “I’d need a tenga DINOSUAR EGG NAH MEAN HAHAHA”

    but seriously… they sell em in NY?

  3. green eyes Says:

    you can buy em online bk.

  4. E Says:

    the tenga egg perverted the way I look at breakfast

  5. green eyes Says:

    imm sorry

  6. BKScribe Says:

    bet.. i’ll jus use the name “rey” and order them… only to have em tell me

    “mr. hussein.. you still owe us for the bakers dozen you ordered and received”

  7. green eyes Says:

    lol….so wrong

  8. reythehussein Says:

    LOL @ BKS.. I missed these. Great comeback, Greenalini.

  9. reythehussein Says:

    Shit. Just read the rest of BK’s comments.

    Little do you know, I get my wack-off egg things for FREE.

    *b-boy stance*

  10. green eyes Says:

    tell em rey!

  11. Furiou$tylez Presents: Ethermatic Immunity Says:

    this blog promotes the fucking and sucking of eggs…

  12. Furiou$tylez Presents: Ethermatic Immunity Says:

    stop sexual egg-buse!

  13. D_Block_4_Life Says:

    Yo

  14. green eyes Says:

    furious stop frontin like you arent going to cop one of those eggs asap

  15. Da PartyStarter Says:

    So THIS is the hot spot now? I’ll take 3 eggs, over easy….Heh,heh..

  16. EnglandRepresent Says:

    Stop egging me on

  17. EnglandRepresent Says:

    Eggcellent post

  18. EnglandRepresent Says:

    This is eggactly what I’m talkin bout. Wooooooooooooooo

  19. pockets Says:

    that egg looks better than my last bitch.

    i order the egg but on the way that shit hatched. i proceeded anyways, i had already exchanged capital for a service.

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